I don't think your experience is typical. My projects aren't huge, but I often have 12 tracks in a session, with reverb and eq on many of them, along with a compressor or limiter on the mix bus, and seldom encounter bothersome lag. My system is Mac M2 Max (32G, 12 core), so it seems your results should be better. Has the app always behaved this way? The "Calculating Playback" message might be expected if you're using some resource intensive process. Can you identify one process that seems to be an issue? Does pre-rendering that process help? I assume you've done the usual steps of clearing caches, resetting prefs and re-installing?
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